I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
