just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
