He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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