Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
