Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
