my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
