Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
