a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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