he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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