DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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