I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
