Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
