god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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