i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
