Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
