Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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