I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
