i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
