I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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