you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
