I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
