Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
