She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
