I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
