I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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