dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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