You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm getting married
To pizza
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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