im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
