that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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