Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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