do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
