this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
