it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
