I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
