So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
