I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
