I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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