Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
