I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
