Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
