Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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