R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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