i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
