I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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