I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
