just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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