oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
