really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
