pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
