I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
