i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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