My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
